By Edwin Ngwane
One of the most difficult conversations women face, is how to tell the guy they love, about marriage.
Most of the times, women hope, pray and wait, till the day their man is going to ask them to accept to become their wife.
Apparently, sometimes, that day doesn’t come for some women. They date this guy for some years, only to be told that he is going to marry another lady.
This usually breaks heart of woman who had trusted her man ‘to do the right thing’ of marrying this loyal woman who was waiting to become his chosen wife.
But the question is, should women always hope, pray and wait for their man whom they love, to decide about their lifetime commitment?
Should women continue to hope, pray and wait till their man makes the right decision? Don’t women have a say in this?
Could it also be an issue of women fearing looking desperate to get married or pushy?
Could it be an issue of beliefs and cultural norms? And the last question is, Should women tell the person they love to marry them?
There two types of relationships between a man and woman.
There are relationships where people don’t even know where they are going and relationships whose destination is known as they begin the journey.
Knowing the difference between the two is very important.
1. Casual Relationship (Just for fun)
If you are one of those women who is rolling in this kind of relationship, save my post, and stop reading. You can come back to this post after you are done playing heart games (hope you don’t come back with heart bruises).
2. Serious Relationship (Love, Marriage & Commitment)
If you are a woman, and still reading this post, then you know what you are looking for → a relationship that bears fruits. You are the person who made me write this post.
4 STEPS TO GET YOUR MAN TO MARRY YOU WITHOUT LOOKING DESPERATE OR PUSHY
1. DATE SOMEONE WITH A VISION
When you meet someone, and he tells you that he loves you, it’s probably true. But what does he see in you? A wife? A part time girlfriend? A one night stand? What does he see?
If there is something you should see in a man, is a vision. Without vision, people perish. Ask him to tell you what he wants out of this relationship. You will know where you are going from the answers you will get.
And let me tell you that a man who sees a wife in you will never be offended with you asking about your future. Because, his future either has you or someone else.
If he doesn’t see you in his future, asking him questions about your future will be very annoying for him. And if it really upsets him, its time to open your eyes.
2. LOOK LIKE A WIFE
Read Proverbs 31 vs 10 – 31 and learn a few lessons about a good wife.
The reason for reading this bible passage is because every man, no matter how stupid you think he might be, wants a good wife.
His mother has convinced him that he should find a very good wife. His friends warns him against marrying the wrong woman and ruining his life. Whenever he looks at you, he is looking for attributes in you which he considers to be attributes of a good wife.
Now, since the bible is the book of wisdom, am sure you believe that what the bible teaches works and if you practice what it teaches, every man who will look at you, will see a wife in you.
3. MEET EACH OTHERS FAMILY
One of the things I have noticed about the Western People, is that the parents will ask their daughter to introduce the boyfriend.
In Africa, parents only want to see him when its time for formal arrangements usually after engagement.
If you want your man to marry you, without looking pushy, this is one skill you need to learn.
Make your guy get known to your siblings, cousins, aunties, church mates, work colleagues and friends. This will help cement your relationship.
One, it’s not easy to leave a girl whose father talks to you like a son, and has brothers, cousins and relatives who see you as part of their family.
Two, even when the two of you have problems, there will be people either in his family or yours who wouldn’t like to see the two of you going separate ways.
Three, you become family before you even start your own family. This helps the both of you to bond with each others families even before you get married.
4. IF YOU ARE SELLING A COW, STOP GIVING FREE MILK TO CUSTOMERS WHO ONLY NEED MILK.
I learnt this lesson when I overheard my grandmother telling one of my cousins the reason why men don’t marry.
She said, “The reason why your men of nowadays don’t marry you girls, is because they are getting free milk from you who is selling a cow. It’s pointless for them to buy the whole cow when they can get the milk without buying the cow.”
And she ended by saying, “….. unless he just feels pity for the one selling the cow”.
I can’t add more to that but I think my grandmother was wise enough to see how business really works. If it’s cheaper to get the milk without the cow, why buy the cow?
No wonder people in town don’t see the need to rear cattle because they can get milk without owning a single cow.
Some people will say such men are foolish or stupid, but if he left you and you loved him, am sure you understand why it hurts so bad. You gave him free milk thinking he might buy your cow.
Then he got the milk, had good time, saw no point in buying the whole cow, and left you wondering what went wrong.
So, if you want to sell your cow, don’t give free milk. If they really want your milk, they will get your cow and enjoy the milk.
Others will ask; what if he gets the milk from another person? Then you know that he didn’t like your milk and cow. Simple.
Become a Go Getter and get whatever you want in your life. Wishing and hoping doesn’t work.
Dream, take action, have the right attitude and believe that what you are looking for is going to come in your life.
If you like a guy, tell him. Get what you want, otherwise you will end up with “whatever” comes your way.
If you think yout relationship is not heading to your desired destination, talk about it and ask him to set a date, at a minimum.
If that doesn’t work, be ready to move. Don’t let one human being ruin your life with their uncertainties and lack of commitment.
Remember also, that sometimes, some relationships won’t just work no matter what you do. Be okay with that.
You can always love again. If you have the attributes of a wife, a husband will see you soon.